Effing Retarded Alltel Customers

Customer calls in complaining that he "aint got no more innerweb" ?!?! yeah... anyways I assured him I could help and asked if he was calling from his device, "no" he replied. I can see on my screen if someone is or isn't calling from the device so I asked again, "sir are you sure you aren't calling from your phone?" again, "no." "alright" I said, "first thing we need to do is pull the battery out..." dead air... "sir?" lol yeah he was calling from the device and pulled the battery out whilst on the call... haha. Here's to you Mr. innerweb user!

Cheers!

Old Ladies Kick ASS

A friend of mine got a call from a 72 yr old woman who was very distraught because she could not access her facebook from her Blackberry. she proceeded to tell her that she is addicted to mafia wars, what happened next was AMAZING! "I just love this game, I have 427 people in my mafia!! you know how I got that many people? I PIMPED!!" HAHAHA. Oold lady who plays mafia wars and pimps, this drink's for you!

CHEERS!

"Gotta Poke My Gator"

Remember Alltel? they still exist but only in the south, southern people are weird, thus Alltel is WEIRD! My sup got an Alltel call and about five minutes in the man says "hold on I gotta go poke my gator." Not being in an area where we deal with gators my sup laughed and was like yeah okay! the man replied "No, really, there is an alligator on my porch chasing my dog, hold on" the guy didn't put him on hold he just set the phone down so my sup could listen. HISS! WHACK! HISS! GODDAMN IT!! HISS! WHACK! WHACK! BARK! AHHHH!!! thats what my sup got to listen to for 5 minutes, then the man comes back on the phone totally calm and says "sorry bout that, he was a big son of a bitch, never dealt with one that size, but no matter! where were we?" after a few minutes to regain his composure the call was finished up. Silly southerners :)

Cheers!

Stupid Blackberry user #23472

"My Blackberry storm only has two rows of icons and they aren't the ones I want. The rest of the icons are gone and nowhere to be found." to which I replied "ma'am push the blackberry key and go to..." "HOLY SHIT THERE THEY ARE!!" said the woman. seriously lady? you were on your home screen, thats why there were only two rows of Icons. "Thanks for calling vzw tech support have a safe day" Figured "safe day" was more fitting for this customer...

Cheers!

Worst Customer Ever

About two seconds after I opened this account I got an email titled WARNING!!!! rather worried I opened it to find it was a warning about the guy that was calling. The email said "CUST EXTREMELY ABUSIVE/ LAST CALL ENDED WITH SUP TELLING CUST TO FUCK OFF" RAD! I was so jazzed to take the call I almost hung up... after about 30 mins of some of the best verbal abuse I've ever had I put my supervisor on the line. The sup I put on there is awesome! he told the guy to never call back and that if he does we would not help him, after that he remarked the account as follows, "WORST CST ON VERIZON NETWORK/ DROP CALL IMMEDEATLY IF RECEIVED" :) YAY for rad sups

Bellevue people...

I had a call today from an incredibly upset woman from Bellevue WA. GREAT! bellevue people always seem to talk down to me ( probably cause I drive a '91 Saab and not a 2010 bentley... sorry for the stereotype Bellevue) Anyways, she starts yelling at me for turning a blue light on that is "very distracting while Im driving" WATCH THE ROAD!!! people like you cause wreaks! anyways she insisted that she needed to speak with a Blackberry specialist because there was no possible way I could know how to fix anything on HER phone. about 30 seconds later I had directed her through turning the damn blue light off. she then said the best thing ever, "OH! thanks, I still hate Verizon and you though!" click. Call ended. So please, don't underestimate tech support peoples knowledge, it just makes you look like an ass.

Cheers!

Alligator and jungle juice? YES PLEASE!!

My second day on the floor I had a woman call in complaining about her Blackberry (nothing new there) she seemed unusually upset and sounded like she was going to cry, I didnt say anything and just started troubleshooting her device. About 5 mins into the call she started sobbing, I reassured her that I was going to fix her phone and not to cry, to which she laughed and said "I've had a terrible week, wanna know about it?" needing to buy time while I tried to figure out how to fix her phone I replied sure, assuming of course it would be a normal ish story. I was wrong. She starts off by telling me "on monday I found out my husband was gay and he left me. On tuesday the humane society contacted me and told me they had an alligator that needed a foster home and I had been chosen to foster the gator. Then on wednesday my phone stopped working." "wow, I'm really sorry to hear that" I replied. As if I wasn't weirded out already by this point, she then said "you sound hot and legal, where are you located?" "Boise Idaho I told her" she laughed nervously and said "I'm in Onterio Oregon, want to come over and have some jungle juice and play with my alligator after work?" HOW THE HELL CAN I SAY NO TO AN OFFER LIKE THAT!?!?! "Absolutly!" I told her. She said "great you have my address in front of you, the front door will be unlocked." and the rest of this story is a rather terrible messup on my end, I got of the call and closed the account before I realized that I didnt get her address :( Epic fail... I miss you already alligator lady... haha

Cheers!